I don’t know when it happens for most, but for me I have been, for lack of a better word, my mother’s mother. Obviously, our case is a little different since I have been her caretaker since I was a child but I have noticed more and more that my friends are now taking on this role for their own parents. I tend to be the go to person when they have questions because I have been caring for my mother for so long.

I don’t have any answers. I fell into my role as caretaker, never having the option to decide if I wanted to be the one to tell her what to do. Of course now that she is in a nursing home my role has been diminished considerably but she still wants me involved with all decisions she must make with regard to her medical care and finances.

Before my father died he often asked me what I thought he should do. He may have been asking because he knew I would most likely agree with most decisions he was planning on making and just wanted to know he was doing the right thing.

As a parent to a 17 year old and a 7 year old I see myself giving up responsibility to my older child. This may have more to do with being a single mom, I’m not really sure. But I worry when I ask him do to something that I have usually done if I am not aging myself by doing so.

We had a fair amount of snow last night, I hate shoveling snow and there is no reason the teenager can’t shovel the snow. It is his job. I have no plans to do the shoveling. Last night he stayed over at a friends house and was not here this morning to shovel out my car or a path to the drive way. I could have easily shoveled but instead I chose to wait for him to get home.

I’m saying all of this because I wonder how much we as children push our parents to act as if they can’t do something anymore. I have a friend whose 87 year old father still does all the maintenance on his home, a lot of work considering the live on a large piece of property. His wife recently suffered some medical problems so in addition to all the work around the house and property he is also taking care of her. His children do not live close enough to conveniently come over and take some of the load off of him. He would refuse such assistance anyway.

I wonder if by expecting my son to shovel if it is just the beginning of me slowly giving up my independence. I don’t really, but it tickles my brain sometimes. What will I do when he goes off to college? Of course I can shovel myself and at that time my 7 year old will be old enough to do the chore and it really won’t be an issue. But she will be going off to college eventually as well. I could shovel, there is no medical reason I can’t. I simply don’t want to do it.

For years before my father died I shoveled for him. I was worried that he would have a heart attack lifting all that heavy snow or that he might slip and fall. He didn’t seem particularly frail or weak but he just seemed to old to do the job. And he didn’t want to do it either.

What chores have you given up doing and why? Did you give them up because you felt as if you were too old to do them anymore or because you just don’t want to do them. What things would you never consider handing over to a child to handle?