My brother and I are closing down my mother’s storage unit in the next couple of weeks. This means we have to find a home for everything that is stuffed into the unit. A home can be one of our homes, the cabin or donating it somewhere.
We got the storage unit two years ago when mom got herself kicked out of the assisted living facility she was living at. Her apartment there was large, a bedroom, living room, kitchen and a den. The nursing home she is in now is much smaller and she couldn’t bring much furniture so we have quite a lot of stuff to go through.
We should have just taken care of all of this back then but no one knew how mom was going to do at the new place. We also worried that if we dispersed or donated everything she would then decide to move to another apartment and would want her things. So we did nothing.
She hasn’t said much about her things. At first she wanted to be in a place with her stuff but we had tried that and it didn’t work. Having her things may have been comforting but it didn’t prevent her from being abusive to the staff and disruptive to the other residents. The first six months was a challenge.
She is much happier where she is now. I think she has finally decided that she is comfortable there. I’m sure for many people the decision to move to one place or another is based on their affection for the place. It must be pleasing to them in some way. Whether it is the surroundings, the architecture or just a gut feeling it is different for each person. My mother has never liked any place that she has lived in. My mother is one of those people who likes familiarity. And it takes her a while to become familiar with a new place. Often years.
Since mom is now satisfied with her living arrangements we are going to go ahead and empty out the storage unit. Some of the items, such as her microwave, dishes and everyday stuff will be saved for grandchildren who are going off to college in the next couple of years. My brother and I will choose which pieces of family furniture we want to keep and which pieces we will bring up to the lake house. Whatever is left will be donated to Goodwill or Bridges.
Of course the minute we have moved everything mom will announce that she is moving and wants all of her things. This is just the way it goes.
It’s really hard when you start selling off their stuff like some kind of estate sale, and to put it bluntly, they aren’t even dead yet. That is really depressing. You do what you have to do. It took me over a year to deal with the stuff in my Mom’s house. I couldn’t bear to part with a lot of it, but I don’t have a big enough home to store it in. It is now 1 1/2 yrs after her passing. I spent most of today going through more odds and ends in various boxes full of memories. I found notebooks from when she was trying to keep track of things – her handwriting was beautiful – she could still write. It’s never easy. Good luck with this.
Blythe, How are you? It’s been a while I need to stop by your blog. This has been easier than when we got rid of everything else the first time around when my dad died. But it is interesting that now I want to hang on to all of it. I don’t have the room however. When my dad died we moved too quickly and probably weren’t thinking too clearly about what we were doing. My mom’s stuff is the best of the best of the stuff at least from the memory standpoint. I still don’t have the room though.
You’ve inspired me, Jen. I’m not near old enough to be put out to pasture yet, but our four children are grown (youngest will turn 20 on 3/29) and we have sooooo much clutter in the closets, garage, and attic. I need to begin paring down, one box at a time. I prayed today for the Lord to give you strength during this difficult process! God bless.
Every time my elderly parents moved (and after my father died, every time my Mom moved), it involved downsizing. I guess, because it happened over a period of time and in stages it wasn’t as noticeable or as extreme as you describe with your Mom.
Ugh, this is no fun task. We had to get rid of some of Mom’s things when she moved in with us. She still doesn’t understand why we gave away her T.V. trays (even though we already had a set). Some of her nicer things we use now, like her dining room table with matching hutch. She was really upset with me when I put my china dishes in it instead of her dishes. Whether we got rid of things or kept them, she was never satisfied. Sigh… Good luck. I’m glad your brother is helping so you’re not doing this job all of your own.
I think it’s a great idea to pass some of that stuff on to the college kids. That’s a big chore; better you than me, but my day will come; my mom is a packrat!
p.s. found you through entrecard