I had a really nice visit with my mother on Easter. A very nice visit. In fact I kept thinking to myself “it looks like mom, sounds like mom, but this is not my mother”. Not that our visits have been bad. For the last six months or so they have been much better than they were two years ago. She has calmed down. She is not angry anymore. She doesn’t lash out and say hurtful things anymore. But the visits have been the same each time. We never really talked about anything but finding her a new place to live.
She still wants to move but I don’t think that will ever change. I also know that as soon as she moves she will say she wants to move again so I don’t put much stock in it anymore. The difference with this visit was that we actually talked about the past. We chatted about people we knew years ago, what characters they were and recalled funny stories from the past. It was a really nice and enjoyable visit.
We also cleared up some business that had been put on the back burner for the last few years. Mom is still legally her own person. She makes decisions that my brother and I can not make for her. She is not of sound mind to make most of her decisions but these few that were left over weren’t worth changing unless she wanted them changed. Even though it was in her best interest to change them no one wanted to because the changes were not what she wanted.
When she told me to make the necessary changes, the way my brother and wished to make them, I was stunned. Pleased, but stunned. I don’t know if the stars are aligned right now but I’m going to ride it out.
This is very similar to how things have progressed with my mother. There was a period of time a year or so ago when my 88-year-old Mom was having a very hard time emotionally. She was even in a mental facility for a few weeks. They tried several different types of drugs but nothing helped much until about six months ago when a new medication made a dramatic difference. Now she is not nearly as paranoid as she used to be. She is happier and more social at her assisted living facility. Like you, we have gradually taken over her responsibilities and although,like you, we thought she might balk, she did not. My sister has control of her check book and is always worried that Mom will want to look at her balance but she never does. It seems these issues are easier to let go of them one might think.
I’m very new to your blog, hope you don’t mind.
I was my mother’s primary carer until her death nearly 6 years ago, of ALS.
I know it’s not the same as dementia, but I can relate.
I’m happy for you; that’s a tough situation.