My mother does not want to come for Thanksgiving. She does not want to use the transportation service to travel to town for the holiday.
My mother lives about 35 miles from me and a service is required to get her wheelchair in the vehicle. I don’t have a vehicle that accommodates a wheelchair while someone is sitting in it and she is so frail I am afraid to move her from her wheelchair to the car and back again.
I’m happy to go and visit her on the holiday that isn’t the problem. The problem is the guilt I expect to feel then as well as the guilt I am feeling now. I’m not sure why I feel guilty, it is her decision except I know my mother and when she says something like this what she is saying is find another way to get me into town.
My mother doesn’t do much for herself. As I have mentioned here she refuses to feed herself now. She can, she just prefers having someone do it for her. She also insists on using a bedpan, again because it is just more convenient for her.
There is a part of me that is willing to let the shit falls where it may and go along with what she is saying even though I know she really wants to come for Thanksgiving. Not that she will have a good time, usually it is a disaster because she doesn’t get as much attention as she would like and because I don’t allow her to drink anymore.
The holidays are always stressful because of this situation and I wonder how other people handle it. I would really like to celebrate the holiday with me and my kids for once without worrying about my mother, putting up with her histrionics and having to try to explain it to my children.
Any suggestions?
Actually, I don't feel much guilt with my Mom at Thanksgiving. She doesn't live that far away and it's easy to pick her up and take her back home. She seems to enjoy family get-togethers but can't stay for an extended period, so I watch to see when she's starting to get tired and then try to get her back before she's exhausted.