My mother has had memory problems since her stroke 40 years ago. She has always had trouble with short term memory. She often asked a question only to ask it a few minutes after getting an answer. To this day I have little patience to be asked a question more than one.
My mother’s long term memory remained good. Once a piece of knowledge got into her long term memory it usually stayed there.
Lately it seems none of her memory is working properly. I suspect she might be showing symptoms of Alzheimer’s which she is more prone to due to her previous brain damage.
For the last couple of months, whenever I visit my mother, she asks how my husband is. I have been divorced for 6 years. She knows this, or says she does, but insists that my ex husband and I have gotten back together.
We are not back together.
Each time she asks how he is I explain that he is doing well, I imagine but that I really don’t know. I explain that we have been divorced for a long time now, that we are friendly but are not, under any circumstance back together. She often seems sad to learn this.
I’m surprised she is sad because she didn’t like him when we really were married.
Usually it is my last husband she thinks I have remarried but on occasion she thinks it is my first husband. This is something new. This is not a memory issue we have had before. I don’t know what it means, probably nothing or at least there is nothing anyone can do about it.
My brother has just suggested that I go along with her and let her think I am still married. It’s not a half bad idea because when I tell her I am divorced she insists that I need to start dating again. Which conversation do I like having least? I don’t know, none of them, really.
What would you do? Would you let the person with memory problems just think what ever they wanted or would you correct them each time?
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When I was in high school, my one great-great-aunt moved in with another great-great-aunt. The second one, Thelma (a.k.a. Aunt Dee) cared for Aunt Irene for several months while Irene was still reasonably capable of interacting with people, but not capable of caring for herself.
During one visit, Aunt Irene asked me, “Are you in any sports?” I answered the question politely, and we talked for a few more moments. Probably about two minutes later, she asked, “Are you in any sports?”
Aunt Dee snapped, “Irene, you just asked him that!”
I’m not suggesting any particular approach, but this is a memory I have that is very clear. My memory doesn’t extend to what Aunt Irene’s response was, though.
My mother had Alzheimer’s and it was brutal.
When I talked with her I always answered her questions as if they were new. For a while she knew she couldn’t remember stuff and that was frustrating to her.
I found conversations to be easier when I told her the stories of things that happened recently with me and my kids. She actually seemed more comfortable with that sort of conversation since it didn’t require her to answer questions.
Good luck. This is such a terrible disease.
Sweetheart, this is so difficult. For you, not for her as much. There is nothing crueler than dementia and it’s so hard to not have it drive you crazy. I’m so sorry. I wish I could just have you here and be your Mama just for a while.